i am up way too late. for someone who has been sick for 2 weeks and for someone who will be waking up bright and early with two little rugrats. i should really be sleeping. but instead i took an excedrin, which means i am quite awake. damn headache.
my mom, my sister and i just watched "waiting for superman." you have probably heard about it. it is a documentary on the public school system. and it is quite disturbing. i found it very interesting and disturbing all at the same time. when i was teaching i was mainly in private schools so i didn't have experience or even really an awareness of the public schools. i went to public school growing up, but i think it was a different time and also a different place. a very small town where the schools were pretty good, at least i think they were. in high school i helped out in elementary school and special ed classes and in college i worked in some public schools (as part of my education) and also in some programs for tutoring low income kids after school.
before even receiving my teaching credential i began teaching at a private school where i feel like i taught myself how to teach. most people do it the "right way." go to college, get your credential, THEN teach. not me. i really like to change it up a bit. i guess i am not really a rule follower so much:) no, the main reason i chose this route was because i barely ended up graduating from college and i was so sick of school i couldn't imagine going another day, let alone another year. it really ended up working for me though. because i got to really get my hands dirty and do what i had been wanting to do for a very long time. teach!
did i go about it the "right way?" the way that the system wants you to? nope. and i am so happy that i made that choice. at least for me. with a little help from seasoned teachers and staff i went in there and taught with enthusiasm and love. i had no clue what i was doing (and that is exactly why this route is not encouraged, nor accepted by most schools.) but i made it, barely. i loved the students like my own and really cared about teaching them and making it fun. i think that is what i do best as a teacher. i liked to make it fun and make sense to each student. i am not a brainy person, and the world is not full of them, so why do we (as a society) teach like that? why do we teach so fast and think that everyone (or ANYONE for that matter) is getting anything out of it? brainy teachers should be shot. i mean only if they can't relate or can't make things applicable. otherwise i suppose we can keep them around:)
after about 4 years of teaching in private schools and having an overall excellent to good experience my husband and i ventured to another land. it is called tenessee:) when i say it was another land i really mean it. it was an "interesting" experience and in "interesting" i mainly mean "bad."
as i look back i can see things that i actually really liked about it, just not at the time. i can appreciate much about it now. sadly i did not at the time. the worst part about it was the teaching job that i had. it was actually a private school, at least in name. i have no idea why it can possibly be considered a private school and why people would actually pay to go to this school in the first place. however, now after watching "waiting for superman" i can see that it was actually a much better choice for many of those kids than the private schools. in being hired i was told that it was a very "special school" with very "special" students. apparently i was desperate for a job and did not clue into these key words! "special" meaning terrible! at least terrible in my book. remember my friends, i am coming from private school world, california private school world. where parents would bring me a latte from starbucks before school. where parents didn't give me a mug with candy in it to say "thanks." but rather a gift certificate to macy's or to get a massage. where parents are in the classroom helping all the time, so much so that you want them to leave. because most of these moms are stay at home moms.
seriously, i am talking a whole nother world!
so i was shocked to find that my fourth grade class of about 12 students was BY FAR THE MOST DIFFICULT teaching experience of my life! i had taught 20+ second graders in california (by myself, without a full time aide) my first year. (first years area by far the hardest, especially when you have no credential and you have NO freaking idea what you are doing...like i did:)
12 students, seriously? could it be that hard? 12 students is like nothing. some people have that many children:) and fourth grade? they are like little adults, right? well, yes and no. yes, they are like little adults...in all the wrong ways. they have been forced to grow up in ways they shouldn't have. and no, they are not like adults because even when they are adults they will still be imature because of the environment they have grown up in.
i cannot possibly go into everything that was wrong and crazy and difficult and mind blowing about that time. i am only saddened that i couldn't have done more. and i actually think that i did accomplish a lot in a very, very short time. i got down to business with the kids. and it was not just about academics (which was terribly disturbing, considering that most of them were at a second grade reading level.) i was also able to break down some of the hardness in them. and they were hard, let me tell you. and some of the parents were even harder. when i knew when of the moms would be coming i would always wear really tall heels because was quite the big mama, and when i say "big" i would like to add "really scary" to her title as well! and i was very intimidated by her. luckily, with prayer (and killer heels) i stood my ground:)
so what have i said here? i have no clue. kind of like my first year in teaching:) i have just been rambling, i suppose. and i guess that is essentially what you do when you have a blog. you ramble. about stuff. stuff that is important and some stuff that is completely irrelevant. but that is the joy of it:) say whatever you like, whenever. and if some "lucky" schmuck feels like reading, well, super. if not, at least i got some of my "crazy" out;) ha.
so...where the hell IS superman and is he coming to save the public school system? man, i hope so. but i fear not any time soon. it will take a lot. yes, one person can do a lot and we can't forget that. but we need a lot of these "one persons" to get the job done. and it is a really big job, very daunting.
of course i have my ideas as we all do. but i cannot save the world. when i am overwhelmed with the sadness of this broken world and of all those hurting and/or being hurt it is easy to burst into tears. to feel crippled by it all. because sure, i can do something, but can i do it all? can i do enough to change the public school system so that every child is cared for and taught and loved and valued? can i save all of the innocent children being sold into the sex trade, those being sold by their own parents?
can i feed all of those who hunger? or thirst? or house the homeless or care for the abused? no, i can't and you can't either. you can do a little and even a little is a lot. helping one person is a great accomplishment. but it is easy to look at it as a huge problem that cannot be solved. and well, if we ourselves cannot solve it by ourselves then it is too big and it would be better to do nothing than just a little. perhaps this is where things go wrong. we are so overwhelmed and saddened that we end up doing nothing. and nothing helps no one.
a lot said. and what is the conclusion?
since i am tired and don't want to keep writing and really can't come up with an ending at this point i will make it like one of those choose your own adventure books. i sure did love those books. they let you do what you want. and i am all about that:)
so, go ahead, choose your own awe inspiring ending!
leave me a comment telling me what your conclusion is, if you like.
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