that we would all be jolly. all of the time.
that we could eat as many holiday cookies as we wanted and we would never feel bad about it, or bloated.
that we would be able to open a present for each of the 12 days before christmas and still have lots left over for christmas day!
that everyone would put lights up on their houses so it would be more festive for those driving by.
that we would read a new christmas story every night in the month of december.
that we would pray for those whose holidays are not quite as bright and perhaps even lonely.
that we would anticipate christmas as a child, even when we are grown.
that the true meaning of christmas would not be forgotten, and would even be celebrated by all!
that we would all make homemade gifts and buy locally instead of giving in to our society's push to buy, buy, buy. bigger, better, more. never enough. sad.
that everyone would be with someone they love on christmas, that no one would be alone, hungry, in need, hurt or in danger.
that we would give to those in need. not just during the holidays, but all year long.
that every family would keep family traditions alive from one generation to the next. old family recipes made, songs sung, and memories of the past shared.
that the Son of God who came into the world that night, the one for which we celebrate this season, would be ever praised now and forevermore.
this is my grown up christmas list.
Wednesday, December 22, 2010
Saturday, December 18, 2010
A Sad Week
this has been a very busy week. a bizarre week, a crazy week. a very emotional week.
this last week i had had hopes of finishing up some craft projects in time for christmas. maybe make some cookies, and then eat some, not all, but some of them. just enough to know that i had really enjoyed them.
i had planned on getting together with a new friend so our girls could play together and i had planned on a few other outings as well. none of which happened.
last weekend we got news that my father in law was in the hospital. icu. he had kidney failure. if he hadn't been admitted that night they said he wouldn't have made it. that news in itself is more than alarming. my husband drove down that night and then we came a few days later to stay for the week.
he is doing much better and is supposed to be back home as of today.
he had wonderful children and loving friends and family that were by his side literally night and day. i pray that those i love, and hopefully love me too will be that faithful to me in my time of need.
it was a very emotional time to say the least.
my grandma recently found out that she has cancer, in every organ of her body. how do you deal with something like that? she is a wonderful and very special grandma. and she has been dealing with it quite remarkably.
we saw her a weekend or so ago and although she was on heavy pain meds she sat up and said, "so what's up kids?" it was the sweetest and cutest thing ever. that she would be in that much pain, but able to act like she wasn't and to care enough to ask us how WE are doing! wow. that is precious.
we were there for awhile, i don't actually know how long. but i know it became too long for her because her eyes were closed most of the time, she spoke very slowly and although she was very "with it" there were times when she said things that didn't make any sense. i wanted to be there for her and have time with her because i felt like it was our time to say goodbye. it would've been easy to pretend like everything was okay and that we would see each other again. but i knew we might not. i tried to keep it in, but i cried a lot and was hoping she didn't notice. but she did. i think it was better that she saw me cry because i really felt like that was my love that i was giving to her. i guess through my tears.
my four year old danced for her. to their favorite song, "girls just want to have fun!" it was sweet. we read her a kid's christmas story too. she is almost blind so she can't see pictures or anything, but she could hear the words. they told the christmas story in simple words through the eyes of different characters. i think when you are older and can't see and you can't live with your husband anymore because he has alztiemer's, you appreciate simple things. like touch and sound.
my dad and his brother are with her now. it is most likely her last days. it is very sad. definitely not the kind of thing you want to have to deal with during the holidays. christmas is about family and fun and time together. no one should have to lose a loved one during the holidays. it just doesn't seem right. but then again, it doesn't seem right that anyone should have to lose a loved one EVER! don't you think?
death is not a thing that we deal with well. i mean, we can watch it on t.v. every night and in movies, and it's no big deal. it's so not real. it doesn't really affect us because we know it's not real. maybe that's why we have such a hard time dealing with it in real life. because we can't possibly believe that it is real. that it is actually going to happen or that it has happened.
but there is a purpose in death. of course. there is a purpose in life. there is a purpose for all things and in all things.
God had a plan at the beginning and He still has a plan. and it DOES make sense. just not always to us.
Christ came into the world that we would have life. yes, we would all still have to die a physical death, but not a spiritual. we will all leave this world we call home someday. hopefully when we are all old and gray. but after leaving this place we don't just sit in the ground for eternity. we do go somewhere. whether it is up or down or east or west or here or there or...is not the point. there is a heaven, and it will be more amazing and unbelievable than you or i or anyone can every comprehend. there is also a hell, and it will be more unbelievably terrible than we can ever show in pictures. a pitch fork will never do it justice. it is complete separation from God. and that is as terrible as it gets folks.
there are two destinations...yes, only two. but the cool thing is that you get to choose where you'd like to go:)
i realized i went off on a little tangent..but a good one:)
we have also received news of a few friends who are dealing with illnesses and hospitalization during this time.
then to add to it, we all got sick. just a cold, but still. as if we weren't already feeling terrible! it just added to it.
my heart goes out to those who are suffering. people all around the world are suffering every day. and yet we don't really focus on it or think about it because it doesn't affect us. the moment it affects us, or something happens to us then we take notice.
despite sadness, that which i try to avoid. i am thankful for a wonderful childhood where i had three sets of grandparents! one grandma who lived in the same town as me and babysat my sister and i many times after school. she taught us how to do really difficult puzzles, card games, and she always colored with us, played games and talked. i remember one of the cars she had, she would play this old music and my sister and i would sing along to it with her. she had this room in one of her houses that was huge. it had a piano and some chairs and a table, but mainly i just remember it being really big and i would play in there. she also let me dress up in her old nightgowns and all of her shoes. she always had the coolest boots to try on.
i am thankful that i was able to have so much time with her. i am sad that it won't be longer and that my girls won't have as much time with her. but they have made their memories too. so they have special moments too.
i know it is her time and she is in pain. she is ready to go home. she has said that she just wants to go home to be with Jesus. and my dad says that is all he needs to hear. i don't want her to be in pain anymore. but it is sad to know she will be gone from us soon.
there are things that we cannot do alone. there are things that we cannot go through alone. and the illness or death of a loved one is one of those. we need love and encouragement from others and we need strength from God.
so whatever has happened to you this last week or will happen this coming week know that whether it is a matter or life of death your Maker holds you in His hands.
this last week i had had hopes of finishing up some craft projects in time for christmas. maybe make some cookies, and then eat some, not all, but some of them. just enough to know that i had really enjoyed them.
i had planned on getting together with a new friend so our girls could play together and i had planned on a few other outings as well. none of which happened.
last weekend we got news that my father in law was in the hospital. icu. he had kidney failure. if he hadn't been admitted that night they said he wouldn't have made it. that news in itself is more than alarming. my husband drove down that night and then we came a few days later to stay for the week.
he is doing much better and is supposed to be back home as of today.
he had wonderful children and loving friends and family that were by his side literally night and day. i pray that those i love, and hopefully love me too will be that faithful to me in my time of need.
it was a very emotional time to say the least.
my grandma recently found out that she has cancer, in every organ of her body. how do you deal with something like that? she is a wonderful and very special grandma. and she has been dealing with it quite remarkably.
we saw her a weekend or so ago and although she was on heavy pain meds she sat up and said, "so what's up kids?" it was the sweetest and cutest thing ever. that she would be in that much pain, but able to act like she wasn't and to care enough to ask us how WE are doing! wow. that is precious.
we were there for awhile, i don't actually know how long. but i know it became too long for her because her eyes were closed most of the time, she spoke very slowly and although she was very "with it" there were times when she said things that didn't make any sense. i wanted to be there for her and have time with her because i felt like it was our time to say goodbye. it would've been easy to pretend like everything was okay and that we would see each other again. but i knew we might not. i tried to keep it in, but i cried a lot and was hoping she didn't notice. but she did. i think it was better that she saw me cry because i really felt like that was my love that i was giving to her. i guess through my tears.
my four year old danced for her. to their favorite song, "girls just want to have fun!" it was sweet. we read her a kid's christmas story too. she is almost blind so she can't see pictures or anything, but she could hear the words. they told the christmas story in simple words through the eyes of different characters. i think when you are older and can't see and you can't live with your husband anymore because he has alztiemer's, you appreciate simple things. like touch and sound.
my dad and his brother are with her now. it is most likely her last days. it is very sad. definitely not the kind of thing you want to have to deal with during the holidays. christmas is about family and fun and time together. no one should have to lose a loved one during the holidays. it just doesn't seem right. but then again, it doesn't seem right that anyone should have to lose a loved one EVER! don't you think?
death is not a thing that we deal with well. i mean, we can watch it on t.v. every night and in movies, and it's no big deal. it's so not real. it doesn't really affect us because we know it's not real. maybe that's why we have such a hard time dealing with it in real life. because we can't possibly believe that it is real. that it is actually going to happen or that it has happened.
but there is a purpose in death. of course. there is a purpose in life. there is a purpose for all things and in all things.
God had a plan at the beginning and He still has a plan. and it DOES make sense. just not always to us.
Christ came into the world that we would have life. yes, we would all still have to die a physical death, but not a spiritual. we will all leave this world we call home someday. hopefully when we are all old and gray. but after leaving this place we don't just sit in the ground for eternity. we do go somewhere. whether it is up or down or east or west or here or there or...is not the point. there is a heaven, and it will be more amazing and unbelievable than you or i or anyone can every comprehend. there is also a hell, and it will be more unbelievably terrible than we can ever show in pictures. a pitch fork will never do it justice. it is complete separation from God. and that is as terrible as it gets folks.
there are two destinations...yes, only two. but the cool thing is that you get to choose where you'd like to go:)
i realized i went off on a little tangent..but a good one:)
we have also received news of a few friends who are dealing with illnesses and hospitalization during this time.
then to add to it, we all got sick. just a cold, but still. as if we weren't already feeling terrible! it just added to it.
my heart goes out to those who are suffering. people all around the world are suffering every day. and yet we don't really focus on it or think about it because it doesn't affect us. the moment it affects us, or something happens to us then we take notice.
despite sadness, that which i try to avoid. i am thankful for a wonderful childhood where i had three sets of grandparents! one grandma who lived in the same town as me and babysat my sister and i many times after school. she taught us how to do really difficult puzzles, card games, and she always colored with us, played games and talked. i remember one of the cars she had, she would play this old music and my sister and i would sing along to it with her. she had this room in one of her houses that was huge. it had a piano and some chairs and a table, but mainly i just remember it being really big and i would play in there. she also let me dress up in her old nightgowns and all of her shoes. she always had the coolest boots to try on.
i am thankful that i was able to have so much time with her. i am sad that it won't be longer and that my girls won't have as much time with her. but they have made their memories too. so they have special moments too.
i know it is her time and she is in pain. she is ready to go home. she has said that she just wants to go home to be with Jesus. and my dad says that is all he needs to hear. i don't want her to be in pain anymore. but it is sad to know she will be gone from us soon.
there are things that we cannot do alone. there are things that we cannot go through alone. and the illness or death of a loved one is one of those. we need love and encouragement from others and we need strength from God.
so whatever has happened to you this last week or will happen this coming week know that whether it is a matter or life of death your Maker holds you in His hands.
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