Not Quite Sure....

not quite sure where this entry will go, so brace yourselves:)

the shower is where i do some of my best thinking. too bad i don't get enough showers:)
but really, when i'm in there i instantly begin to think. it is a place where i am (briefly) alone. it is where i write most of my blog entries...although i usually never post them because it is awfully difficult to bring the lab top into the shower with me:) but i suppose it could be done.
it is also where i try to plan out my day. not that my day seems to go the way i plan it. but at least i am trying, right?

i want to be ready to get out of the house by 9am, which is really hard for us at this stage of life. just when i think i am on a roll and we are going to be ready just in time. just when i think everything is nicely planned out. everyone is doing what they should and we are all "happy." sometimes that just means that no one is screaming. sometimes that is what happy means in the morning or any time in the day for that matter.
anyway. just when i think all is well. something goes wrong. someone wakes up in an awfully terrible mood. someone needs to be held, someone needs to be changed or go to the bathroom...again. someone is having a raging fit, about toast for breakfast.

days planned out perfectly and lives planned out perfectly do not exist.
perhaps there was a time when they did. or when you thought they did. and you thought, "wow this is great. my life is going right in the direction i had planned." or "each day i wake up to sunshine and very well behaved children. i am pampered and adored and treated like a princess." okay maybe not the latter. i just thought it sounded lovely.

your day and mine goes the way that God wants it to. your life and mine go the way that God wants it to. doesn't sound good sometimes, but that's the way it is folks. and trust me i am including myself in this "folks."

my life, mainly in the last 7 or 8 years has taken MANY twists and MANY turns. "hey wait! where is this thing going?" "where the hell are you taking me? " "um, i'd like to get off now." "i'm afraid i was looking for something else. this can't POSSIBLY be MY life."

it was not fun many times. many times it was fun. and many times we were/are blindly walking into the great unknown. again, "um, where is it that you are taking us God?"

of course life is a process. no one has "arrived." and if they have then we would rather not know them. it is much better to go through life with those who have been where we have. who have gone though exactly what we have experienced. that seems to be one of the ways that we can truly connect with others. tragedy and despair, pain and foolishness. we have all been through something. somethings we have foolishly brought upon ourselves and now we must suffer the consequences. other things have happened to us and we are merely bystanders. either way, we have all, "been there."
through this experiences, good or bad, we can meet people where they are. we can come alongside someone else in pain. someone else who is hurting, someone else who has suffered a loss. what an encouragement we are. empathy for others is what brings us together. it is where one soul touches another. we both leave changed for the better.

so back to my very "interesting" life:)
AGAIN, we are facing another change. it is not for positive yet, but it is as close to positive as you can get.

somehow, someway, i am looking forward to it. i stated in an email to a friend recently that God has had to do MAJOR things in me because i am able to say, "whatever." "bring it on." "we will go!" yep. that is a complete miracle in itself. it's not that i'm not scared, because i am! but i just not as scared as i used to be:) i suppose if that is the only thing i learn in my life then i will be just fine. actually, i'd like to learn to knit someday too:) no. not really,, knitting does not sound like fun to me. i just had to throw that bit of humor in there, for myself i suppose.

learning to say,"whatever" God. "i will do what you have chosen for me to do." that is called submitting, my friends. i never thought that i was quite the "submitting" type, but apparently i am learning:)
not that i have arrived, because then no one would want to be my friend:)
but that i am working on it. and God is working through me. hopefully someday i will be able to use this experience of walking into the unknown for His glory.
hopefully i will be able to be an "empathizer." i am pretty sure that isn't a word.

so wherever we will be in the coming months, whatever we will be doing, wherever we will be living...we will do it without hesitation. because that is what God has prepared. that is the way He has shown us and the way in which we will go. basically walking in faith. scary, but pretty much necessary.

i always try to plan things and prepare and anticipate a move or change in life. i want to start packing up as soon as possible, getting rid of stuff and looking for a new place. checking out the area we will go and the neighborhoods. sometimes it is possible for me to do this. and sometimes it is not. sometimes like i said, i must walk in faith and sometimes wait until the last minute. definitely not the way i would do it:)

so here's to the unknown! here's to a life of walking in faith! here's to the future which we will believe is bright and wonderful and exactly what God has prepared for us. whether it is "bright" or "wonderful" we can't always say. but what we do know is this. God is FOR us. God LOVES us. HIS plans for us are not to harm us, but to PROSPER us. how can we argue with that? we are safe in HIS hands, in HIS arms, in HIS care. Did I mention HE created the world? oh, and us! i'm pretty sure He is able to take care of pretty much anything:)

so, i wasn't quite sure where i was going with this post. but i suppose i ended up, "somewhere." i think it was a good, "somewhere" because it encouraged me! i guess that's a good thing. there are things that the mind knows that are difficult for the heart to accept. so, i know some things. at least i think i do. but they must become heart knowledge, not just head knowledge. and that is tough.

recap: walk in faith, with God you will often walk into the unknown. that means you have NO clue where the hell you are or are going:)
your life is in His hands, He loves you, be an "empathizer." oh, and if you are like me, make sure you take lots of showers:)

Sick As a Frickin' Dog

what does that phrase even mean? i suppose it means that when a dog is sick then it is REALLY sick. but i wouldn't know that sort of thing since i don't have a dog. i used to have a dog, when i was a child. actually i had several...usually all at different times. i think i even had a goat. but that would take this entry to another level, so i will stop there.

anyway, growing up in the country i noticed that having a dog in the country is different than having one in "civilization." i mean, the city:) from my perspective, dogs that "grow up" in the city are part of the family. they live inside, have a special doggie bed. or even a special room, just for them. maybe they poop and pee in a special doggie toliet..perhaps i have gone to far. perhaps not. perhaps they wear adorable little outfits (gag reflex) or maybe they go to the "dainty doggie diner" , or the "bit o' biscuit bakery." at the least they go to the "pretty puppy palace." where they are groomed and treated as if they were at a day spa. but seriously, don't take me too seriously... because i really have no clue as to what i am talking about. okay, so i do. but i may be slightly of course:)

anyway. dogs in the country are more like dogs rather than people. i think they are less like family. more like "man's best friend." out to protect the household. scavenging the creatures that try to occupy the yard. the companion that goes hiking or camping or hunting or... maybe they sleep inside but they do not have their own room. they probably have a special blanket that someone left on the floor and never picked up but they most likely do not have a bed of their own. they do not go to the doggie bakery, or the doggie day spa or the doggie diner. they DO NOT have a doggie toliet. they pee and poo outside. they eat whatever they find, inside and out. they eat dog food too, but that is never as good as the rodents they find.
their only bath is when they jump in the river or your neighbor's swimming pool.
a special treat for them is a slice of bacon straight from the breakfast table. or some disgusting concoction of leftovers your mother has been adding to for days. this is her special "treat" for the precious puppy.

so anyway, i had a point here and it wasn't about dogs. oh yah, i am sick AS a DOG. there it is. my point. and two paragraphs later i am back.

i had the flu yesterday. the throwing up flu. more like the barfing flu. or the up chucking flu. whatever you like to call it will work. i just like to make sure that people know how bad it was and is. so forgive all of the descriptions.
yesterday i was so dead i could not walk or get out of bed except when i had to leap for the toilet before well, you know.
i think we have all had it before. the flu. no one really remembers how bad it is until they have it. and then they forget until the next time. i suppose that is a good thing. if we remembered how bad it was the time before we may all want to kill ourselves than have it again. i suppose that is how God protects the human race. morbid, i know:)

i am better today. not well, but better. did i mention that my 1 year old also has it, although not as bad. oh and my husband has it too. luckily he didn't have it yesterday when i was deathly ill. today he was "more" deathly ill than me so i watched the kids. sucks though. two sick parents and no one to take care of us.
oh to be 5 again. you know. the days when you "almost enjoyed" getting sick and your mom was there at every beckon call.
she rubbed your head and made you soup. gave you gatorade and saltine crackers. maybe she even had some special "trick" as to making you feel a bit better. like reading you a story, renting all of your favorite movies or giving you a popsicle or ice cream when your tummy could handle it. those were the days.

now as a parent i have to try to recreate all of those special "techniques" of how to care for my sick children. i actually kind of enjoy it though. i know, morbid again.
but only for a little while though, and only if i am not sick myself. so there are some "boundaries" here okay.? only on my terms.

i like taking care of my kids when they are not well because i feel like in some way i am more loving. i am able to show them how much i love them when they don't feel well. when they can't do anything for themselves, i am there. of course we all like that feeling of being needed. minus the throw up part.

so that's it. just felt like talkin' about dogs and throw up:)