finally the snow to go with the "snow day!" it was coming down hard a few hours ago and now it is sunny and everything is covered. the girls are up from their nap and they want to go out and play. before they woke up i asked my husband, "now you know the girls will want to go out and play in the snow, right? so i know we said, "we" would go...but who exactly is "WE?" he said "we" meant both of us. "really?" "are you sure, i mean, i think "we" generally means both of us, but even in this case?" :) you see, i really do love the snow and i was so excited to see it coming down this afternoon, but i am really, REALLY enjoying it from INSIDE:) i will go out with the fam and it will be fun, i know it. it's just that i am not looking forward to the cold part. probably because i hate being cold and i am pretty much cold every moment and every day of my life. seriously, i can never get warm and i hate it. that is why i don't look forward to the cold part of this venture.
i am having an argument with my four year old at the moment about snow boots. she is really in the "why" stage and constantly arguing with me about seriously EVERYTHING. how do you find patience in a moment like this? ahhhhh! i think it's time to go outside. yes, outside in the snow. the freezing cold, really beautiful, absolutely butt freezing cold snow. once i get out there and am completely numb i think the attitude will wear off and i will start having fun:) here goes!
Saturday, February 26, 2011
Thursday, February 24, 2011
fancy finds
so as i was trying to update my blog and make it a little bit more "fancy." i found so many fun buttons, blinkies and background designs. i also spent a little too much time working on it too. it's late and i should be in bed. i seriously don't have time for this kind of stuff.
hence my new favorite button/blinkie. it has a vintage pic of a husband and wife and it says, "behind every great blog is an unfed husband." i love it! it is just too good.
luckily for me it is not true. i mean, luckily for my husband it is not true:) i generally don't spend too much time on here. except for this evening and well, we did not go hungry. in fact i spent the entire day cooking and baking! i was just in the mood to be betty crocker. or martha stewart, which ever you prefer. i made cupcakes, corn chowder (my own made up recipe) and bread and rolls from scratch. my least favorite part of the whole deal were the dishes! besides that it was a lot of fun being in the kitchen ALL day. however, tomorrow i will most likely spend VERY little time in there.
p.s. this fabulous little vintage blinkie is at the bottom of the page. really not the best place for one of my favorites.
hence my new favorite button/blinkie. it has a vintage pic of a husband and wife and it says, "behind every great blog is an unfed husband." i love it! it is just too good.
luckily for me it is not true. i mean, luckily for my husband it is not true:) i generally don't spend too much time on here. except for this evening and well, we did not go hungry. in fact i spent the entire day cooking and baking! i was just in the mood to be betty crocker. or martha stewart, which ever you prefer. i made cupcakes, corn chowder (my own made up recipe) and bread and rolls from scratch. my least favorite part of the whole deal were the dishes! besides that it was a lot of fun being in the kitchen ALL day. however, tomorrow i will most likely spend VERY little time in there.
p.s. this fabulous little vintage blinkie is at the bottom of the page. really not the best place for one of my favorites.
Thursday, February 17, 2011
another loss
as if losing one grandma in december wasn't enough...my mom's mom passed away last week. within just a few months both of my grandmas have left this earth.
although i have been thinking about both of them on and off for quite some time, i don't think it has really set in yet. and i am not sure that i want it to. it's going to be tough. this weekend is the service for my grandma that just recently passed. we will all be together at her house for the wake. i think that is where it may really start to feel real. we will all be there. together. in her house. but she won't be.
i am not looking forward to that.
my sweet mila, who is four and a half (yes, the "half" part is very important:) had a really hard time dealing with the loss of my dad's mom. she just kept bringing it up and saying she missed her and loved her and wanted her to come back.
i didn't make a huge thing out of telling her that noni died because i was worried about how she would take it. i said, "noni was very sick ans before she died she bought you this special doll and cute pajamas because she loves you." mila was saying that she loved her too and that she wanted her to come back. she was talking about how she wanted both great grammy and great noni to come back from heaven. she said, "now they both died." she took it better than i expected. but i do imagine that she will be bringing it up now and then. and it will hurt every time she does. i think it is too much for anyone to handle or understand or deal with, but it is really hard to try to make sense of it to your kids.
on the day she passed we were out of town and my husband had previously promised me a day of shopping on that day. a day at the outlets (really, really good ones:) all by myself...that means, "without kids." :) i had been looking forward to it of course, and it ended up being a good time for me to just think a little and be alone and try to begin grieving. although i was in public so it wasn't like i was outwardly grieving, but inside i was struggling. i had planned on being alone on this trip and yet, i wasn't. my thoughts were all around me.
because i didn't wear a t-shirt that said, "my grandma died today, please be nice to me." no one knew what i was going through. they just saw a smile, which was probably only half of a smile, or maybe just a plastic one. i'm not sure. it was okay when i was distracted by all of the amazing deals and sales. but when it came time for lunch it was then that i was not only sitting alone (which i generally don't mind at all) but i really FELT alone. then i heard some ladies talking near me and i listened a little bit...i didn't really get anything too "juicy" :) but what i did hear was an encouragement to me. they were talking about God. again, i don't even remember what they were saying but what i heard lifted my spirits a bit. i wasn't alone. duh. there were people everywhere in the restaurant. but that's not what i mean. on the way down when we went through l.a. i jokingly mentioned to my husband that everything past this point is fake. fake people, fake boobs, fake smiles with tons of hurt hiding on the inside, fakeness...guess that's not really a word. but you get the point. so here i am in a place where i have already labeled everyone fake and then i hear this conversation. okay, here we go again. you are a jerk, tara. there are some very real ladies right over there talking about the same God that you profess as your Lord. "oops, i did it again." i judged. sadly i do that a lot. of course i was just making a generalization. but i did feel like it was kind of a little slap in the face. just a little one:)
so there i was. alone, but not alone. that really is the state i am always in. even when i am alone (which seriously doesn't happen enough!) i am never alone, fully by myself. and that is another "duh" moment. i knew this, it's not like it was an "aha" moment. just a "duh" moment:) the Lord is with me right now. He knows my loss. He knows my hurt. He knows that i don't even know how i feel right now. but He will be with me. He will comfort me and He will use others (the two ladies sitting near me in the restaurant) to encourage me. i almost went up to them but then i didn't. i figured i would start balling like a baby and they wouldn't even know what i was trying to say. so i opted out:)
looking back on the last several months and even the last year i realize that there has actually been a lot of loss in my life. besides two family members passing away (which is by far the hardest) i have lost other things as well. my husband lost his job in the last year. we lost our house (we didn't own it, but we had to move in with family so we don't have a place of our own right now.) we lost a life that felt somewhat normal. although we lost that a LONG time ago! :)
this makes me think of the verse that says, "whoever finds his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life for My sake will find it." (matthew 10:39)
it is not about my comfort. it is not about me having everything i want and everything i think i need. it is not about having a house, or a job or even having everyone in my family healthy or even alive for that matter.
it is about giving my life to Christ and living for Him. and i have to do that every day. not just one time. i have to choose every day to say, "i give you my life. YOUR WILL BE DONE, NOT MINE." it is not easy, and perhaps they are some of the hardest words i will ever have to say. sucks that i need to be able to say them every single day!
one loss after another. the two most difficult...both of my gramdmas. "i love them, i miss them and i want them to come back." and that is me saying it, not my four and a half year old:)
although i have been thinking about both of them on and off for quite some time, i don't think it has really set in yet. and i am not sure that i want it to. it's going to be tough. this weekend is the service for my grandma that just recently passed. we will all be together at her house for the wake. i think that is where it may really start to feel real. we will all be there. together. in her house. but she won't be.
i am not looking forward to that.
my sweet mila, who is four and a half (yes, the "half" part is very important:) had a really hard time dealing with the loss of my dad's mom. she just kept bringing it up and saying she missed her and loved her and wanted her to come back.
i didn't make a huge thing out of telling her that noni died because i was worried about how she would take it. i said, "noni was very sick ans before she died she bought you this special doll and cute pajamas because she loves you." mila was saying that she loved her too and that she wanted her to come back. she was talking about how she wanted both great grammy and great noni to come back from heaven. she said, "now they both died." she took it better than i expected. but i do imagine that she will be bringing it up now and then. and it will hurt every time she does. i think it is too much for anyone to handle or understand or deal with, but it is really hard to try to make sense of it to your kids.
on the day she passed we were out of town and my husband had previously promised me a day of shopping on that day. a day at the outlets (really, really good ones:) all by myself...that means, "without kids." :) i had been looking forward to it of course, and it ended up being a good time for me to just think a little and be alone and try to begin grieving. although i was in public so it wasn't like i was outwardly grieving, but inside i was struggling. i had planned on being alone on this trip and yet, i wasn't. my thoughts were all around me.
because i didn't wear a t-shirt that said, "my grandma died today, please be nice to me." no one knew what i was going through. they just saw a smile, which was probably only half of a smile, or maybe just a plastic one. i'm not sure. it was okay when i was distracted by all of the amazing deals and sales. but when it came time for lunch it was then that i was not only sitting alone (which i generally don't mind at all) but i really FELT alone. then i heard some ladies talking near me and i listened a little bit...i didn't really get anything too "juicy" :) but what i did hear was an encouragement to me. they were talking about God. again, i don't even remember what they were saying but what i heard lifted my spirits a bit. i wasn't alone. duh. there were people everywhere in the restaurant. but that's not what i mean. on the way down when we went through l.a. i jokingly mentioned to my husband that everything past this point is fake. fake people, fake boobs, fake smiles with tons of hurt hiding on the inside, fakeness...guess that's not really a word. but you get the point. so here i am in a place where i have already labeled everyone fake and then i hear this conversation. okay, here we go again. you are a jerk, tara. there are some very real ladies right over there talking about the same God that you profess as your Lord. "oops, i did it again." i judged. sadly i do that a lot. of course i was just making a generalization. but i did feel like it was kind of a little slap in the face. just a little one:)
so there i was. alone, but not alone. that really is the state i am always in. even when i am alone (which seriously doesn't happen enough!) i am never alone, fully by myself. and that is another "duh" moment. i knew this, it's not like it was an "aha" moment. just a "duh" moment:) the Lord is with me right now. He knows my loss. He knows my hurt. He knows that i don't even know how i feel right now. but He will be with me. He will comfort me and He will use others (the two ladies sitting near me in the restaurant) to encourage me. i almost went up to them but then i didn't. i figured i would start balling like a baby and they wouldn't even know what i was trying to say. so i opted out:)
looking back on the last several months and even the last year i realize that there has actually been a lot of loss in my life. besides two family members passing away (which is by far the hardest) i have lost other things as well. my husband lost his job in the last year. we lost our house (we didn't own it, but we had to move in with family so we don't have a place of our own right now.) we lost a life that felt somewhat normal. although we lost that a LONG time ago! :)
this makes me think of the verse that says, "whoever finds his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life for My sake will find it." (matthew 10:39)
it is not about my comfort. it is not about me having everything i want and everything i think i need. it is not about having a house, or a job or even having everyone in my family healthy or even alive for that matter.
it is about giving my life to Christ and living for Him. and i have to do that every day. not just one time. i have to choose every day to say, "i give you my life. YOUR WILL BE DONE, NOT MINE." it is not easy, and perhaps they are some of the hardest words i will ever have to say. sucks that i need to be able to say them every single day!
one loss after another. the two most difficult...both of my gramdmas. "i love them, i miss them and i want them to come back." and that is me saying it, not my four and a half year old:)
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
