Not Quite Sure....

not quite sure where this entry will go, so brace yourselves:)

the shower is where i do some of my best thinking. too bad i don't get enough showers:)
but really, when i'm in there i instantly begin to think. it is a place where i am (briefly) alone. it is where i write most of my blog entries...although i usually never post them because it is awfully difficult to bring the lab top into the shower with me:) but i suppose it could be done.
it is also where i try to plan out my day. not that my day seems to go the way i plan it. but at least i am trying, right?

i want to be ready to get out of the house by 9am, which is really hard for us at this stage of life. just when i think i am on a roll and we are going to be ready just in time. just when i think everything is nicely planned out. everyone is doing what they should and we are all "happy." sometimes that just means that no one is screaming. sometimes that is what happy means in the morning or any time in the day for that matter.
anyway. just when i think all is well. something goes wrong. someone wakes up in an awfully terrible mood. someone needs to be held, someone needs to be changed or go to the bathroom...again. someone is having a raging fit, about toast for breakfast.

days planned out perfectly and lives planned out perfectly do not exist.
perhaps there was a time when they did. or when you thought they did. and you thought, "wow this is great. my life is going right in the direction i had planned." or "each day i wake up to sunshine and very well behaved children. i am pampered and adored and treated like a princess." okay maybe not the latter. i just thought it sounded lovely.

your day and mine goes the way that God wants it to. your life and mine go the way that God wants it to. doesn't sound good sometimes, but that's the way it is folks. and trust me i am including myself in this "folks."

my life, mainly in the last 7 or 8 years has taken MANY twists and MANY turns. "hey wait! where is this thing going?" "where the hell are you taking me? " "um, i'd like to get off now." "i'm afraid i was looking for something else. this can't POSSIBLY be MY life."

it was not fun many times. many times it was fun. and many times we were/are blindly walking into the great unknown. again, "um, where is it that you are taking us God?"

of course life is a process. no one has "arrived." and if they have then we would rather not know them. it is much better to go through life with those who have been where we have. who have gone though exactly what we have experienced. that seems to be one of the ways that we can truly connect with others. tragedy and despair, pain and foolishness. we have all been through something. somethings we have foolishly brought upon ourselves and now we must suffer the consequences. other things have happened to us and we are merely bystanders. either way, we have all, "been there."
through this experiences, good or bad, we can meet people where they are. we can come alongside someone else in pain. someone else who is hurting, someone else who has suffered a loss. what an encouragement we are. empathy for others is what brings us together. it is where one soul touches another. we both leave changed for the better.

so back to my very "interesting" life:)
AGAIN, we are facing another change. it is not for positive yet, but it is as close to positive as you can get.

somehow, someway, i am looking forward to it. i stated in an email to a friend recently that God has had to do MAJOR things in me because i am able to say, "whatever." "bring it on." "we will go!" yep. that is a complete miracle in itself. it's not that i'm not scared, because i am! but i just not as scared as i used to be:) i suppose if that is the only thing i learn in my life then i will be just fine. actually, i'd like to learn to knit someday too:) no. not really,, knitting does not sound like fun to me. i just had to throw that bit of humor in there, for myself i suppose.

learning to say,"whatever" God. "i will do what you have chosen for me to do." that is called submitting, my friends. i never thought that i was quite the "submitting" type, but apparently i am learning:)
not that i have arrived, because then no one would want to be my friend:)
but that i am working on it. and God is working through me. hopefully someday i will be able to use this experience of walking into the unknown for His glory.
hopefully i will be able to be an "empathizer." i am pretty sure that isn't a word.

so wherever we will be in the coming months, whatever we will be doing, wherever we will be living...we will do it without hesitation. because that is what God has prepared. that is the way He has shown us and the way in which we will go. basically walking in faith. scary, but pretty much necessary.

i always try to plan things and prepare and anticipate a move or change in life. i want to start packing up as soon as possible, getting rid of stuff and looking for a new place. checking out the area we will go and the neighborhoods. sometimes it is possible for me to do this. and sometimes it is not. sometimes like i said, i must walk in faith and sometimes wait until the last minute. definitely not the way i would do it:)

so here's to the unknown! here's to a life of walking in faith! here's to the future which we will believe is bright and wonderful and exactly what God has prepared for us. whether it is "bright" or "wonderful" we can't always say. but what we do know is this. God is FOR us. God LOVES us. HIS plans for us are not to harm us, but to PROSPER us. how can we argue with that? we are safe in HIS hands, in HIS arms, in HIS care. Did I mention HE created the world? oh, and us! i'm pretty sure He is able to take care of pretty much anything:)

so, i wasn't quite sure where i was going with this post. but i suppose i ended up, "somewhere." i think it was a good, "somewhere" because it encouraged me! i guess that's a good thing. there are things that the mind knows that are difficult for the heart to accept. so, i know some things. at least i think i do. but they must become heart knowledge, not just head knowledge. and that is tough.

recap: walk in faith, with God you will often walk into the unknown. that means you have NO clue where the hell you are or are going:)
your life is in His hands, He loves you, be an "empathizer." oh, and if you are like me, make sure you take lots of showers:)